tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-784117427877038832024-02-18T18:57:34.019-08:00living lifeEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-34393886128016546472010-08-26T05:11:00.000-07:002010-08-26T05:11:18.708-07:00Medication<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5JwUvK7W382qNxcvzREbBuGiGzPipUiX8rp2LZHd0EZclcUNfks9LuG20cEFP4_eAPwxl27Zp6yl2T5AZdK-X_m5imKsTPYuzXDrap9TWLfV8_yiNzAgMmc8Q3F_qupv4YFHTrURHiAY/s1600/medication.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5JwUvK7W382qNxcvzREbBuGiGzPipUiX8rp2LZHd0EZclcUNfks9LuG20cEFP4_eAPwxl27Zp6yl2T5AZdK-X_m5imKsTPYuzXDrap9TWLfV8_yiNzAgMmc8Q3F_qupv4YFHTrURHiAY/s320/medication.jpg" /></a></div> As most of know it takes time to find the right medicine. It can be frustrating in dealing with the side effects. I feel as if I am at the end of my journey. (Zyprexa, Efexxor, and Klonopin) However I do miss the late nights. <br />
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I would only need a few hours of sleep. I would clean the house, and draw untill the picture is finished. I am now in bed at 9 or 10 pm. I have heard individuals diagnosed with Bipolar stop taking there meds and trying the natual route. If anyone is taking the natural way, what are you taking to help with the depression, highs, lows, hallucinations and psychosis? Do you feel your medication is helping with your diagnosis of mental illness?<br />
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Hugs and strength to you all<br />
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Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-18722399200610042512010-08-24T06:08:00.000-07:002010-08-24T06:08:09.594-07:00Acceptance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQPja_2iTriDSvedUKBRANB1UQZWQD1JH33LL0Jb8ivlHte4Cai4E_VvWb-9M36QEa3QoFAC-CEhJ-iOyEUUtMh55vauASW0jNJW17CQCzBusOKeszi23OnqDkoHguvZf2x4-3_WygbAQ/s1600/prayer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQPja_2iTriDSvedUKBRANB1UQZWQD1JH33LL0Jb8ivlHte4Cai4E_VvWb-9M36QEa3QoFAC-CEhJ-iOyEUUtMh55vauASW0jNJW17CQCzBusOKeszi23OnqDkoHguvZf2x4-3_WygbAQ/s320/prayer.jpg" /></a></div> My immediate family does not believe that I have Bipolar. I accept the diagnosis, but at first it was difficult. To be honest, at times, I still do question my diagnosis of Bipolar. My husband was wonderful and supportive. He filled our bookcase with books about Bipolar and spoke to a few doctors. I was diagnosed three times by different psychiatrists. <br />
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It was very frustrating for me that my Mom and Dad would not read about Bipolar. I gave them recommended reading. I guess it was hard for them to hear there daughter has a mental illness. It was a strain on our relationship. I couldn't reach out to them. Now that time has passed (3 years) wounds have healed.<br />
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My husband and I separated for four months. He started to become more like my caretaker then my husband (overprotective and controling). I didn't need someone to take care of me I needed to gain my independence back.. My husband saw a therapist and it saved our relationship. <br />
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Was it difficult for your family, spouse/partner to accept your diagnosis of a mental illness?Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-50757229392848784512010-08-20T11:16:00.000-07:002010-08-20T11:16:12.219-07:00SharingI found this poem in a magazine by Donna Torrey<br />
<br />
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<br />
It's my Time<br />
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It's my time to take control of my life.<br />
It's my time to run my life,<br />
Not let life run me.<br />
It's my time to dream big,<br />
Set lofty goals, <br />
And achieve those dreams and goals.<br />
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It's my time to be healthy and happy<br />
It's my time to continuously be grateful to God<br />
for all the gifts he has given me.<br />
It's my time to open and explore those gifts-<br />
Many of which have sat on a shelf, collecting dust.<br />
<br />
It's my time to finish healing the old wounds-<br />
To put balm on scars and move forward, without looking back.<br />
It's my time to be a survivor, for that is what I am.<br />
I refuse to be a victim any longer. <br />
I refuse to let circumstances of the past cloud my present.<br />
I refuse to let clouds of the past affect my future.<br />
It's time to be me!<br />
<br />
It's my time to be open to the adventure of new possibilities. <br />
It's my time to sing out with joy in my heart.<br />
<br />
It's time for this butterfly to let go of the branch and soar.<br />
IT'S MY TIMEEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-74032503045550888702010-08-16T17:06:00.000-07:002010-08-17T09:19:29.834-07:00Rehashing Auditory hallucination<div style="text-align: center;">Having Bipolar also includes hallucinations for some people</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Where do voices come from? One theory is the brain processes language differently. When the brain is supposed to receive language it is intern sending it.<br />
<br />
-The voices gave me commands<br />
-They told me they were not voices/hallucinations but spirits<br />
-I could have conversations with them<br />
-I could here familiar voices (Dad, Grandmother, Sister etc.)<br />
-They told me to commit suicide<br />
-They are the loudest through machinery (fans, A.C., dishwasher etc)<br />
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I do not hear the voices/hallucinations anymore. When I am manic, hypo-manic, extremely stressed, or my anxiety is over the top I will hear them. What does your voices say? or do you hear them?Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-69218301601706714532010-08-07T07:18:00.000-07:002010-08-07T07:18:04.481-07:00Triggers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibb0Wnj14U5ZXGtw-AFgFPH0W7-r1YdctUOr18vm4AhH5XWtLhBXbgiWVazn_ehXFpKs-zrpCkvO_geYQ8A-tzJv7QpeP8n6TTTKMsDGEOzV1tSJ3deiF5bNEZYZjDd59yt-VtyvZAClE/s1600/jumping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" bx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibb0Wnj14U5ZXGtw-AFgFPH0W7-r1YdctUOr18vm4AhH5XWtLhBXbgiWVazn_ehXFpKs-zrpCkvO_geYQ8A-tzJv7QpeP8n6TTTKMsDGEOzV1tSJ3deiF5bNEZYZjDd59yt-VtyvZAClE/s320/jumping.jpg" /></a></div> The depression has lifted. I am feeling better about myself. I joined a community center in my town. They have an activity each day. I never know when depression will take control of me. I have to watch out for triggers. <br />
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Triggers will intensify the disorder. Some of my triggers are insomnia, stress, certain people, and my structure schedule disrupted. Stress as we all know will happen but there are ways to control it. Learn the word "no". I have a difficult time with that word. I have a tendency to take on too many projects at once.<br />
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Do you have triggers that could effect your disorder?<br />
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hugs and strength to you all<br />
Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-52187295002384493812010-08-02T04:38:00.000-07:002010-08-02T07:54:09.511-07:00Bipolar I am still depressed, however I have an appointment with my therapist in two weeks. I like seeing her as she teaches coping skills. Each time I am depressed it is different. I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday (7/30) and he did not want to increase my anti-depressant due to a possibility of a manic episode. <br />
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When you have bipolar it is not recommended for some to be on anti-depressants due to a possibility of becoming manic. For some that do not know what a manic episode is, here is the definition: distinct period of abnormally and persistently irritable, elevated, and/or mood, lasting one week. (Wes Burgess, M.D.,ph.D.) <br />
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During this period, three or more of the following symptoms have been present to a significant degree: decrease need for sleep, very talkative, may interrrupt or finish others and has difficulty stopping the flow of speech, has rapid thoughts, very distractable, overfocused on work, school, personal activities, takes risky chances such as recklace driving, overspending, and inflated sense of self-esteem.(Wes Burgess, M.D.,Ph.D.<br />
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Since I have been on the right medication, which took a while to find, I do not have any of the above symptoms except the depression now. There are two types of mania, Hypomania, and mania. Hypomania is less severe then being manic. In my opinion, medication and being proactive in your community as much as you can handle will keep you stable.<br />
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I can do all things through Crist which srengthen me (Philippians 4:13)Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-24150461587978536782010-07-30T04:17:00.000-07:002010-07-30T04:17:22.668-07:00Scripture<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg37VSM31eyIBoKp3MeXnSntBIC4OLFbM0BD5AoHu-9A0ayiuhcxCfLtjzZyBAZRseOBuaugLuK2J6QELGXK2v8bAiNQE5UjR4IPnL7fdhwmAdfkX5mixn00EvfwDitcLgxi5qbNeGJL2o/s1600/quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" bx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg37VSM31eyIBoKp3MeXnSntBIC4OLFbM0BD5AoHu-9A0ayiuhcxCfLtjzZyBAZRseOBuaugLuK2J6QELGXK2v8bAiNQE5UjR4IPnL7fdhwmAdfkX5mixn00EvfwDitcLgxi5qbNeGJL2o/s320/quote.jpg" /></a></div>I found this scripture and wanted to post it.Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-25735444162980915532010-07-25T06:10:00.000-07:002010-07-25T06:10:07.174-07:00Quote<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmXCkW1X0Byl3PCoNyADIY4B4RZ2byl3V8MtHBAzogxmJhfUJXGMV9bYgp7XgAEzSrT5w5CFUlkb62Qr2qKT4HTgTv6TXbcGFmKqSzoa6BSmkjEzKoe8IbODUfw_CPcAL1OvkmtcC1Orc/s1600/quote2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmXCkW1X0Byl3PCoNyADIY4B4RZ2byl3V8MtHBAzogxmJhfUJXGMV9bYgp7XgAEzSrT5w5CFUlkb62Qr2qKT4HTgTv6TXbcGFmKqSzoa6BSmkjEzKoe8IbODUfw_CPcAL1OvkmtcC1Orc/s320/quote2.gif" /></a></div>Praying to the lord and knowing he is with me at all times gets me through the tough days.<br />
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God blessEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-33777473340380882212010-07-24T06:17:00.000-07:002010-07-24T09:24:02.465-07:00Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAVGWXlgrJVhEKualO6TVA9hxarfvlHpiabTJ3f4lOyPK66YyKpW34jfB8Ts0Rz11HKUC1JtMjXWSaDSyifwodvEF4UIZI8sOckSAnRge5CGOh8q3bZTNjzxdmNTT1kGIbToJKSZGIuk/s1600/sky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioAVGWXlgrJVhEKualO6TVA9hxarfvlHpiabTJ3f4lOyPK66YyKpW34jfB8Ts0Rz11HKUC1JtMjXWSaDSyifwodvEF4UIZI8sOckSAnRge5CGOh8q3bZTNjzxdmNTT1kGIbToJKSZGIuk/s320/sky.jpg" /></a></div>I am depressed. I have already made an appointment with my therapist. Why am I depressed? "not sure". I am finally driving, I am taking an art class, I belong to a gym where I am meeting new people and I belong to an eating support group. I am also loosing weight. "why am I depressed?" well that is partly because of Bipolar.<br />
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What do I do when depressed? I push myself to become more proactive. Sometimes, I may just need a medication tweak. How do I know when I am depressed? I describe it as watching a movie. I am here pysically but not mentally. The racing thoughts are bad and tough to concentrate.<br />
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hugs and strength to you all!Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-2300253210259401672010-07-20T07:35:00.000-07:002010-07-20T07:35:25.425-07:00Who am I?I have Bipolar and Fibromyalgia but who am I?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXwcZQIpEIRs2P3DM99fZ-e_EqI_upx3WfZKw4j9jBrE7rtKESnqwfHGDPjPGEds-aewxCCpfTvfggPqNLCZJ25mzc85FE4jjDsac3F-HiJHYZkyI6VQztmvIwgHRTX8DhTsZaVxhyphenhyphen78/s1600/sunflowers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXwcZQIpEIRs2P3DM99fZ-e_EqI_upx3WfZKw4j9jBrE7rtKESnqwfHGDPjPGEds-aewxCCpfTvfggPqNLCZJ25mzc85FE4jjDsac3F-HiJHYZkyI6VQztmvIwgHRTX8DhTsZaVxhyphenhyphen78/s320/sunflowers.jpg" /></a></div>I am kind, a Step-Mom, creative, funny, a sister, a wife, tenacious, an artist, giving, caring, out going (I love being around my friends and meeting new ones), non-judgemental, and loving. At times I have low self - esteem, however making a list helps me. Make your list, who are you???Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-59737540416863573002010-07-17T10:27:00.000-07:002010-07-17T10:27:49.053-07:00Voices<div style="text-align: center;">Continuation of having Bipolar</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbsii7QdyG6wywjjhIBzeHNVM-7G06FWNBhu4QbA4YZUNs_XbDaVkuHZhQDf0sJCwT7o2LFiNeL78sQQFq3gofOd6TALDp7JbSZD5pT89NH-s-yMzkAiSDT-wURvsocNtT1M6BOZUoZIU/s1600/people.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbsii7QdyG6wywjjhIBzeHNVM-7G06FWNBhu4QbA4YZUNs_XbDaVkuHZhQDf0sJCwT7o2LFiNeL78sQQFq3gofOd6TALDp7JbSZD5pT89NH-s-yMzkAiSDT-wURvsocNtT1M6BOZUoZIU/s320/people.jpg" /></a></div>I started hearing voices in the year of 2007. At first I thought it was the neighbors talking. We lived in a duplex. Each night the voices became louder and scarier. My husband did not hear what I heard. The voices (I like to call them auditory hallucinations because voices are from people) would say some of these phrases"we are not voices, we are spirits"; "you are psychic";"your neighbors are watching you"; your neighbors are brain washing you"; "people can read your mind". <br />
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At first I did not believe any of these phrases. However each day I would hear them and withdraw to my own little world. The voices/hallucinations became my friends. I would have conversations with them. I was in acute psychosis. I wasn't able to sleep due to the voices/hallucinations. I became sleep deprived which made them louder. Some days were so bad I had suicidale thoughts. Even to this day, if I am sleep deprived or with medication tweaks, I would hear the voices/mumbles/hallucinations. <br />
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Anyone out there hear voices/hallucinations? Sometimes, I would hear the voices through machines(fans, computer fans, car A/C's, house A/C's, washer and dryer machines and fans in the bathrooms,etc) Once I turned the fans off the voices/hallucinations would go away.<br />
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hugs and strength to you allEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-14459477782781540792010-07-11T06:35:00.000-07:002010-07-11T06:35:40.951-07:00BipolarMy last blog was about being your own advocate when visiting your doctors. I feel it is sad that we have to do this but this is reality. My next visit is the end of July. I will have to double check the prescription to make sure it is correct and legible. I was very anxious and did not feel grounded. My husband took care of the situation. When an incident like this happens it makes having bipolar worse. <br />
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The nutrition support group is going well. I am loosing 2 pounds a week.. When I shed this weight I would like to start my own group.I have to be very careful due to my medication. The medicine I am on changes my metabolism. <br />
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Hope you all are well. Sending strength your way. hugsEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-30141892657007795232010-07-04T14:08:00.000-07:002010-07-04T14:08:59.809-07:00Doctors<div style="text-align: center;"> Continuation of my story having Bipolar</div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhawntBm0K7QWY4cRzZ2LX5_WN2VKTxwR7D48SxM4kV-2nwVCn3CwbeVMLGlUL9tKg2TlfBVi1YVyCBr8RWsKdgqIhVdxaifEw5ClcG45XO38vkNRsH1pKgbhMo-r-0vK2AGo4MAjRLGZ8/s1600/doctor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhawntBm0K7QWY4cRzZ2LX5_WN2VKTxwR7D48SxM4kV-2nwVCn3CwbeVMLGlUL9tKg2TlfBVi1YVyCBr8RWsKdgqIhVdxaifEw5ClcG45XO38vkNRsH1pKgbhMo-r-0vK2AGo4MAjRLGZ8/s320/doctor.jpg" /></a></div> As we all know it is important to have a psychiatrist you can trust. I have found it has been a battle finding the right one. I have been through three different doctors and going on my fourth. I believe I have said this before but you have to be your own advocate. Check you prescriptions before you leave the office. <br />
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Recently, I saw my psychiatrist's nurse and she wrote the prescription out wrong. I did not realize this until I arrived at the pharmacy. I was frustrated and anxious about the situation. We went back to the office, however they were all on vacation for the fourth of July.<br />
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Hugs and strengthEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-12814856371752271582010-06-28T06:19:00.000-07:002010-06-28T06:19:06.734-07:00Part 2 with Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLvwEwuld21H4Kn0qBLPKDy9wMf6BZUBIUbqRpWpQm_HM6hvYhoJxm0N4fJZmL2BSGFSnOg3BMjeRb9PEg1V7eiH6RjNIY0jYLPdmIDevnNAq623B3LHhetBzPKE33Miajb5bc6VwgK0k/s1600/fruits.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ru="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLvwEwuld21H4Kn0qBLPKDy9wMf6BZUBIUbqRpWpQm_HM6hvYhoJxm0N4fJZmL2BSGFSnOg3BMjeRb9PEg1V7eiH6RjNIY0jYLPdmIDevnNAq623B3LHhetBzPKE33Miajb5bc6VwgK0k/s320/fruits.jpg" /></a></div>My last blog was about turning to food when depressed. I discussed how I joined a support group called TOPS (take off pounds sensibly). The first meeting went well. The group meets once a week and weighs you each meeting. For me, having the extra support gives me the strength not too over eat when depressed. <br />
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The group has rewards and a magazine which talks about healthy eating. I am back in the gym and hope to shed this weight. I like this group, and it is very inexpensive.<br />
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I am sure others can relate that the medication increases your appetite and changes your metabolism. I have to fight that hunger and redirect myself to forget that I was hungry.Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-30458880266964550182010-06-24T04:53:00.000-07:002010-06-24T04:53:17.876-07:00Depression When depression occurs I turn to food. My therapist gave me a name of a support group that I can turn too when that urge happens. "It is called Take off Pounds Sensibly" TOPS. I can not have peanut butter, butter(I place butter and sugar on top of toast with cinnamon), chocolate, and ice cream in the house. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis_EUcoV6N_uvrrhcrGwBX535QXs5pIjGYk6kBEC5xuMvVochmqCBNI45cZf7WjWAFkWCs40Mf5CYqEMhP2ZsdnfSEEB4_NSN5vncYhl0LAeYADw4pV1liPDKfTU4-Y-JjNSHS3J2E5gw/s1600/cup+cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ru="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis_EUcoV6N_uvrrhcrGwBX535QXs5pIjGYk6kBEC5xuMvVochmqCBNI45cZf7WjWAFkWCs40Mf5CYqEMhP2ZsdnfSEEB4_NSN5vncYhl0LAeYADw4pV1liPDKfTU4-Y-JjNSHS3J2E5gw/s320/cup+cake.jpg" /></a></div>When I feel depressed those are my comfort foods that I turn too. Today is my first day going to the meeting. I am very nervous. I never had a weight problem before or had problems with food before. When I eat my comfort food, I am on a high and feel awesome. After, I feel extremely guilty. They have TOPS in many states. I will update in how the meeting goes. <br />
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Have a blessed dayEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-25772607283118875452010-06-16T12:28:00.000-07:002010-06-16T12:38:33.220-07:00Living with BipolarI am not even sure where to begin in describing my life having bipolar. I will start with what I am struggling with now. I have chosen not to have children. For one, it is unsafe for me to be off my medication. I sometimes cry when I see children in stores, commercials or am around my friends children. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAwwlseH-yoCPN83cyh0__o9CbKV4YzS1hW5Sdj9j6kViuKQ5yKTbvEPN5-TJ9sF7wlKpsC960n_3HCl2vWV1nkI9PBZTkAAhvH5OvyLsBOuEV8rqaVyep_4_d09IoVlbkIu0Ul_fRi9Y/s1600/child+angel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" qu="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAwwlseH-yoCPN83cyh0__o9CbKV4YzS1hW5Sdj9j6kViuKQ5yKTbvEPN5-TJ9sF7wlKpsC960n_3HCl2vWV1nkI9PBZTkAAhvH5OvyLsBOuEV8rqaVyep_4_d09IoVlbkIu0Ul_fRi9Y/s320/child+angel.jpg" /></a></div>What makes me strong is I know God has a plan for me. I know this may sound bizarre to some of you but I believe my son or daughter is an angel in heaven waiting for me. I also have three wonderful step children. I may not be in their lives as much as I would like but I treasure the time I am with them.<br />
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Before I was diagnosed with bipolar all I wanted was a family. I was a teacher to children with special needs. I wanted to have my own children and also adopt a child with special needs. What is ironic, my step-son has special needs and his father and I help him with his developmental skills. He is a blessing in my life. I just wish he could be in life more often. <br />
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I am also struggling with my weight. I became ill three years ago and the medication slowed down my metabolism. The changing of all the medicines to find the correct dosage and the side effects (hair falling out, rash on the face, weight gain etc) is straining on my body. On the flip side it is worth the struggles which <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">le</span>d me to the right medication.<br />
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Hugs and strength to you allEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-37098765101578554512010-06-11T13:01:00.000-07:002010-06-11T13:04:15.526-07:00People with a mental illness The list below are people that have a mental illness (depression and bipolar). This list helps me on my bad days and shows that others can function while having a mental illness. People with a mental illness vary, some can work and some can not. I want to show how many can work on having an illness and have many gifts. I have met teachers, artists, and teacher assistants that also have a mental illness. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9sFY1KIv3jsRm5rpW8ek5RFbKfMKD1_Qy6VFXKaYnjcsPFZFQEIBGBhLvfLHGfzHRAdedBGH-5BmIP8UJDGojoVB8sa7YfCEEibT6XE8NnnegH32R9uwUgg9punvzJP75InMuNs9nb-k/s1600/people.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" qu="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9sFY1KIv3jsRm5rpW8ek5RFbKfMKD1_Qy6VFXKaYnjcsPFZFQEIBGBhLvfLHGfzHRAdedBGH-5BmIP8UJDGojoVB8sa7YfCEEibT6XE8NnnegH32R9uwUgg9punvzJP75InMuNs9nb-k/s320/people.jpg" /></a></div><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Sopie</span> <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Anderton</span>: model <br />
Adam Ant: musician<br />
Andy <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Behrman</span>: author<br />
Russell Brand: comedian and actor<br />
Georg Cantor: mathematician<br />
Dick <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Cavett</span>: television journalist<br />
Connie Francis: singer<br />
Alan Garner: novelist<br />
David Kelly: English weapons inspector<br />
Eddie <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Griffen</span>: American NBA player<br />
Buzz Aldrin: <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" goog-spell-original="astonaut">astronaut</span><br />
Joe <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Budden</span>: American hip hop artist<br />
Edvard Munch: artist<br />
Kay <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Redfield</span> Jamison: clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatryEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-91249678233061495012010-06-06T14:47:00.000-07:002010-06-06T14:47:00.717-07:00Push day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuOUyniHUD9TpMOHPRHyf0614xbdMXwNE0-58PGrHGj1VbCxIO8CeCslFj_f9zAWWb7UWTs2nHKuebGh-BKC8NpVnZ9m1Cyh9DxUV3DmlzRJLTqCtN7htp_unwjk44eLDtXn1YyLb9i9g/s1600/flower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" gu="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuOUyniHUD9TpMOHPRHyf0614xbdMXwNE0-58PGrHGj1VbCxIO8CeCslFj_f9zAWWb7UWTs2nHKuebGh-BKC8NpVnZ9m1Cyh9DxUV3DmlzRJLTqCtN7htp_unwjk44eLDtXn1YyLb9i9g/s320/flower.jpg" /></a> Today I feel like a wilting flower. These are the days having bipolar I need to push through. I am adapting to a new medication and my energy slowly fades. I was able to do most of my chores but slept most of the day. Days like these I take it slow. I do a little bit then rest and that continues throughout the day. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-46936579040321155532010-06-02T05:15:00.000-07:002010-06-02T05:15:16.103-07:00My days<div style="text-align: center;">Continuation of my life coping with Bipolar Disorder</div><br />
Thank you all again for taking the time in reading my blog and leaving helpful comments. I thought this blog will be about my good and bad days to inform others diagnosed with disorders you are not alone. <br />
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Good Days<br />
<ul><li>sleeping 6 to 7 hours</li>
<li>following my schedule</li>
<li>racing and negative thoughts are minimal </li>
<li>no crying spells</li>
<li>I am not anxious</li>
</ul>Bad days (two to three days a week) <br />
I am still not in remission with my disorder. I saw my Psychiatrist yesterday and he increased my anti-depressant medication (Effexor)<br />
<br />
<ul><li>sleeping over 10 hours</li>
<li>anxious (wandering around the house)</li>
<li>I don't feel like showering</li>
<li>crying spells</li>
<li>my mind is filled with negative thoughts which leads to paranoia</li>
<li>pushing self to exercise and following a schedule</li>
</ul>On my bad days I talk out my negative thoughts to my husband. However, some days I have to work them out alone until he arrives home from work. On bad days, I push self just to get through the day and night. <br />
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hugs and strength to you allEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-70130370280499925242010-05-27T13:55:00.000-07:002010-05-27T13:55:39.025-07:00Medication When first diagnosed with bipolar I was immediately placed on high milagarms of many types of medicines. Their technique was to slowly decrease to the right dosage. In my opinion, I wish they would of started with a lower mg and gradually increase. What do you all think? <br />
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Due to the high dosage I slept through out the day, gained weight and my hygene was poor. I know everyone is different on medication, however when I met the right pyschiatrist, she started on a low dosage and then increased. Below I will list what I learned about medicines through experience: <br />
1. buy a book on medications to see all the side effects<br />
2. if the side effect is mild, stay with the medicine as it may dissapear while your body adjust to the mdication<br />
3. try different times of the day<br />
4. see a therapist to help you cope with the disorder. The medicine is only one part to help with the disorderEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-36722037266180910342010-05-16T13:55:00.000-07:002010-05-16T13:55:23.302-07:00Remission<div style="text-align: center;">Continuation on my story of having Bipolar</div><br />
First I would like to thank and give out many hugs to you all that take the time to read my blog and leave helpful comments. "S<span class="goog-spellcheck-word">hould</span> I write a blog about my disorders" I asked a friend. "no, people will make fun of you and some may be cruel" she said. I am speechless at the response I have been getting. Everyone has been kind, supportive, complimentary, which helps my mood and self-esteem. <br />
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I see my psychiatrist once a month and therapist every two weeks. I had some bad news my last appointment with my psychiatrist. "you are not in remission with your disorder bipolar" he said. I started to cry. He increased my medication and now the waiting game starts. I still am having the crying spells and anxiety is high certain times of the day. I went through the motions after I heard the news, sadness, anger and then acceptance. <br />
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I felt empty inside and exhausted after he gave the news. I have been working so hard in becoming proactive, and healthy. I have one more year on disability and I want to work next year. I am not sure if that will happen. Sometimes I really hate this disorder and how some days it consumes me. On the flip side I need to look at all the positives in my life even if they are as little as drawing a picture to get me through the day. <br />
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hugs and strengthEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-59060322278847376372010-05-14T08:37:00.000-07:002010-05-14T08:37:17.424-07:00Support system<div style="text-align: center;"> Continuation with my story having bipolar and fibromyalgia</div><br />
When first diagnosed with bipolar I was searching for support other than my family. My family was in denial and I could not lean on them in the beginning. I found excellent online organizations. <a href="http://www.dbsalliance.org/">www.<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">dbsalliance</span>.org</a> (depression and bipolar support alliance.) <a href="http://www.nami.org/">www.<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">nami</span>.org</a> and <a href="http://www.dailystrength.org/">www.<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">dailystrength</span>.org</a> . Each online organization will help you find support groups in your area. They also have chat rooms where you talk with others diagnosed with the illness along with professionals that you may discuss issues with.<br />
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What I learned was to lean on people that have accepted the illness and not discuss the disorders with others that have not. Currently I can lean on my husband and of course my therapist. I will be honest though, it was difficult for me to find the right therapist. Don't give up on searching for one. The web-sites I listed above list questions you can ask a therapist when you first meet. <br />
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Hugs and strength to you allEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-80582009644604385082010-05-10T06:31:00.000-07:002010-05-10T06:31:53.052-07:00Fibromyalgia/bipolar 3It was very difficult explaining <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">fibromyalgia</span> since you can not see it, just like bipolar. I joined an online support group and found many people having both disorders. I always wondered if there was a link to each one. As most of you know I was diagnosed (w/<span class="goog-spellcheck-word">fibromyalgia</span>) when I was nineteen and bipolar when I was thirty three years old.<br />
<br />
Having <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">fibromyalgia</span> and dating was complicated. If anyone is reading this and is wondering when to tell about the disorders, I would wait a few months. If they end the relationship, well, as my friend always says, that is one way to wean out the bad ones.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmLAQ2iS9jfYpmCZ3CBHzCP5yisVsgHWwgIFgqXEQ6HlyLynLX85CrkH0bKjC-lH8kZxmqVMxKuQM3AXagNtoWNfto6-gPE4tRN8DWS9y_e0mBcVulgQnsK7GixZcRDNX5vgB2SAZSVM8/s1600/jump.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmLAQ2iS9jfYpmCZ3CBHzCP5yisVsgHWwgIFgqXEQ6HlyLynLX85CrkH0bKjC-lH8kZxmqVMxKuQM3AXagNtoWNfto6-gPE4tRN8DWS9y_e0mBcVulgQnsK7GixZcRDNX5vgB2SAZSVM8/s320/jump.jpg" tt="true" /></a></div>I am on an antidepressant to help with my cognitive skills but the pain each day was still there. I finally found a medication that relieved some of that pain called <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">Lyrica</span>. I am very sensitive to medication and had to go slow on the medicine. I am now on 200mg and only have pain in my <span class="goog-spellcheck-word">shou</span><span class="goog-spellcheck-word">lders</span> and it is bearable. <br />
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Some books for both disorders that helped me and hope they help you:<br />
<br />
ISBN #: 1-57224-12-7 The <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Fibromyalgia</span> Advocate by Devin J. <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Starlanyl</span>, M.D.<br />
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ISBN #: 0-553-56072-7 A Brilliant Madness living with Manic Depressive illness<br />
Patty Duke and Gloria <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">Hochman</span> <br />
<br />
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, What on earth am I here for? A must read. This book helped me through the acceptance of my disorders. <br />
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To be honest it was difficult for some friends and family members to accept both disorders. I am blessed to have my sister,and husband wanting to understand the disorders. My Mom and Dad are still in a bit of denial but trying. Thank you for taking the time in reading my blog and God BlessEmeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-42997011113134603822010-05-08T08:40:00.000-07:002010-05-08T09:13:57.652-07:00Fibromyalgia 2<div style="text-align: center;"> My precious Grandmother</div>I posted a definition of Fibromyalgia in my previous blog. <br />
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Having fibromyalgia you become forgetful which could be from the insomnia and achy which leads to breaking prior commitments with friends. "Don't forget to buy me milk" my grandmother would say. I would forget to buy it after work. My Nan (grandmother) would become frustrated with me "why are you so forgetful" she would say.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqMJJLe4wIiXGlW9S4Q_GRES3A9n3CeTSb9aiitm5ddLlUGUDrHVQLDJP6drad_7p9Dr_pS7GAaRA7l_nkx3EW1KZlo_gLGER8Etd9vIpIfF4HpjgMS-FObyAhEK8RbszbasbdLN17BaA/s1600/nan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqMJJLe4wIiXGlW9S4Q_GRES3A9n3CeTSb9aiitm5ddLlUGUDrHVQLDJP6drad_7p9Dr_pS7GAaRA7l_nkx3EW1KZlo_gLGER8Etd9vIpIfF4HpjgMS-FObyAhEK8RbszbasbdLN17BaA/s320/nan.jpg" tt="true" /></a></div>I would give her an explanation of the disorder. Like I said in my last blog I was fighting insomnia, body achs, exhaustion, exteme fatigue and headachs. My Grandmother saw a book called "Fibromyalgia Handbook". She bought the book and was amazed at what she read. She called my Mom and explained how she finally understands what I have been fighting each day. <br />
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Our relationship changed. She became patient and helpful. It brought tears to my eyes when I found out what she did. It is very important if you know someone with a disorder to research the information, it will make your relationship grow.Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78411742787703883.post-81636102477412603052010-05-06T05:13:00.000-07:002010-05-06T05:13:14.980-07:00Fibromyalgia<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYVaIbwriuogy_vn5WCkjn1wEKyVncR0K1rhyphenhyphenakVgTOM-P6wxDpTVMNZSQAC1TJjNlDiCcYev39RLW4oEw1LeXYZWzqpBcgodAP8DqErZJZ6tJ5w0JVM7FlV5V1dM8CtO5Rc6SV67Fio8/s1600/butterfly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYVaIbwriuogy_vn5WCkjn1wEKyVncR0K1rhyphenhyphenakVgTOM-P6wxDpTVMNZSQAC1TJjNlDiCcYev39RLW4oEw1LeXYZWzqpBcgodAP8DqErZJZ6tJ5w0JVM7FlV5V1dM8CtO5Rc6SV67Fio8/s320/butterfly.jpg" wt="true" /></a></div><br />
My other diagnosis</div><br />
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was nineteen years old. I felt an achy pain throughout my body. My Mom took me to several doctors. Some thought the pain was in my head. "if my daughter says she has pain, she has pain" my Mom said. We finally found a specialized (Rheumatologist) doctor and he gave us the diagnosis of "Fibromyalgia" "Fibro what" I said<br />
<br />
Fibromyalgia is a chronic condition characterized by widespread pain in your muscles, ligaments and tendons, as well as fatigue and multiple tender points places on your body where slight pressure causes pain. (Mayo Clinic)<br />
<br />
Some symptoms I had were: <br />
1. flu-like pain<br />
2. exhaustion<br />
3. muscle stiffness and pain<br />
4. insomnia<br />
5. fatigue<br />
6. mental malaise and confusion, <br />
often refers to as fibro fog<br />
7. headaches, however I experienced<br />
migranes<br />
<br />
The doctor recommend an anti-depressant. He explained people with this diagnosis didn't receive enough serotonin throughout there body. I felt I was too young to try the medicine and to go the healthy route. I ate healthy (foods that had serotonin) foods, and exercised (running).<br />
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The running helped somewhat with the sleep, however my sleep cycles were inconsitant. I finally gave into the medication in my late twenties. It did not help with the pain but with my cognitive skills. My sister noticed a difference in how attentive I was. <br />
<br />
I will continue my story tomorrow on how I and others coped with my diagnosis with Fibromyalgia<br />
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Emeilahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04041038200815769904noreply@blogger.com1