Thursday, August 26, 2010


     As most of know it takes time to find the right medicine.  It can be frustrating in dealing with the side effects. I feel as if I am at the end of my journey. (Zyprexa, Efexxor, and Klonopin) However I do miss the late nights.

I would only need a few hours of sleep. I would clean the house, and draw untill the picture is finished. I am now in bed at 9 or 10 pm. I have heard individuals diagnosed with Bipolar stop taking there meds and trying the natual route. If anyone is taking the natural way, what are you taking to help with the depression, highs, lows, hallucinations and psychosis? Do you feel your medication is helping with your diagnosis of mental illness?

Hugs and strength to you all


Tuesday, August 24, 2010


     My immediate family does not believe that I have Bipolar. I accept the diagnosis, but at first it was difficult. To be honest, at times, I still do question my diagnosis of Bipolar. My husband was wonderful and supportive. He filled our bookcase with books about Bipolar and spoke to a few doctors. I was diagnosed three times by different psychiatrists.

   It was very frustrating for me that my Mom and Dad would not read about Bipolar. I gave them recommended reading. I guess it was hard for them to hear there daughter has a mental illness. It was a strain on our relationship. I couldn't reach out to them. Now that time has passed (3 years) wounds have healed.

   My husband and I separated for four months. He started to become more like my caretaker then my husband (overprotective and controling). I didn't need someone to take care of me I needed to gain my independence back.. My husband saw a therapist and it saved our relationship.

   Was it difficult for your family, spouse/partner to accept your diagnosis of a mental illness?

Friday, August 20, 2010


I found this poem in a magazine by Donna Torrey

It's my Time

It's my time to take control of my life.
It's my time to run my life,
Not let life run me.
It's my time to dream big,
Set lofty goals,
And achieve those dreams and goals.

It's my time to be healthy and happy
It's my time to continuously be grateful to God
  for all the gifts he has given me.
It's my time to open and explore those gifts-
Many of which have sat on a shelf, collecting dust.

It's my time to finish healing the old wounds-
To put balm on scars and move forward, without looking back.
It's my time to be a survivor, for that is what I am.
I refuse to be a victim any longer.
I refuse to let circumstances of the past cloud my present.
I refuse to let clouds of the past affect my future.
It's time to be me!

It's my time to be open to the adventure of new possibilities.
It's my time to sing out with joy in my heart.

It's time for this butterfly to let go of the branch and soar.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Rehashing Auditory hallucination

Having Bipolar also includes hallucinations for some people

Where do voices come from? One theory is the brain processes language differently. When the brain is supposed to receive language it is intern sending it.

-The voices gave me commands
-They told me they were not voices/hallucinations but spirits
-I could have conversations with them
-I could here familiar voices (Dad, Grandmother, Sister etc.)
-They told me to commit suicide
-They are the loudest through machinery (fans, A.C., dishwasher etc)

I do not hear the voices/hallucinations anymore. When I am manic, hypo-manic, extremely stressed, or my anxiety is over the top I will hear them. What does your voices say? or do you hear them?

Saturday, August 7, 2010


     The depression has lifted. I am feeling better about myself. I joined a community center in my town. They have an activity each day. I never know when depression will take control of me. I have to watch out for triggers.

     Triggers will intensify the disorder. Some of my triggers are insomnia, stress, certain people, and my structure schedule disrupted. Stress as we all know will happen but there are ways to control it. Learn the word "no". I have a difficult time with that word. I have a tendency to take on too many projects at once.

Do you have triggers that could effect your disorder?

hugs and strength to you all

Monday, August 2, 2010


      I am still depressed, however I have an appointment with my therapist in two weeks. I like seeing her as she teaches coping skills. Each time I am depressed it is different. I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday (7/30) and he did not want to increase my anti-depressant due to a possibility of a manic episode.

When you have bipolar it is not recommended for some to be on anti-depressants due to a possibility of becoming manic. For some that do not know what a manic episode is, here is the definition: distinct period of abnormally and persistently irritable, elevated, and/or mood, lasting one week. (Wes Burgess, M.D.,ph.D.)

During this period, three or more of the following symptoms have been present to a significant degree: decrease need for sleep, very talkative, may interrrupt or finish others and has difficulty stopping the flow of speech, has rapid thoughts, very distractable, overfocused on work, school, personal activities, takes risky chances such as recklace driving, overspending, and inflated sense of self-esteem.(Wes Burgess, M.D.,Ph.D.

Since I have been on the right medication, which took a while to find, I do not have any of the above symptoms except the depression now. There are two types of mania, Hypomania, and mania. Hypomania is less severe then being manic. In my opinion, medication and being proactive in your community as much as you can handle will keep you stable.

I can do all things through Crist which srengthen me (Philippians 4:13)