Monday, May 3, 2010


First I would like to thank the caring people that have been following my blog and leaving encouraging and sharing comments about their disorders. You all are in my prayers and thoughts.

     I would like to be honest about some challenges I face with this disorder(bipolar). I have had sucidal thoughts, which happened last year. I believe it is the help of the medication and prayer that has eliminated the thoughts. I am impulsive and perseverate on several different subjects, which sometimes pushes people away. I fight each day not become impulsive. I obsess over my weight, friends, art work, etc. It is difficult for me to turn it off. My husband will remind me of it, but I am sure it wears on him.  I will choose a subject and talk about it through out the day. My therapist is teaching me techniques in how to limit the obsessing.. I believe in therapy and support it.

I drink too much coffee to gain energy through out the day. Somedays I try to limit it. I am tired of seeing doctors every week. I am tired of not working. My husband's family does not think I should work again. On the flip side my family supports my decision to work.  Each day is different for me but I will never give up.

hugs and strength to you all


  1. Dear Emilia,

    I am sorry to read of what you are living with, and I admire your courage in writing down your thoughts this way. I do hope it helps you. Keep writing. Don't despair. Suicidal thoughts are just thoughts as long as we don't act on them. I am glad you are receiving therapy and it helps you, and you have a supportive husband. God bless him, and you, and hang in there. Keep in touch. hugz, pav

  2. Every time I read your blogs, I always want to comment, "Been there, done that!" I understand about obssessive thoughts, just that one idea that runs away with you. I still struggle with it, but it's not as bad as it used to be. I think my husband has learned to ignore me, (unless it is serious), but that's OK cause he has his own thoughts he obsesses with that I ignored about him. So it balances out. lol Just keep trying and moving forward Emeila you'll be amazed by how far you go. HUGS

  3. Hi Emeila, I can relate to your post my friend. Suicidal thoughts is what lead me to my 2nd admission into hospital and the start of my healing and recovery journey through psychotherapy as well as my own self help work. Occaisionally I still have fleeting thoughts of suicide, though made a pact with myself that its not an option. All that you mentioned is all part of the disorder. As hard as some days can be, it passes. I've come to learn and accept that every moment within a minute, hour, day can change just like that with bipolar. That it's ok, it passes. You're doing well, and hope you find work when you're ready. Liana.

  4. I love you. I will always be here for you. And I will try not to push my coffee addiction on you. I will keep some tea or juice in the house for you to drink. LOL Muah!

  5. It takes courage to be honest...and you seem to have a lot of courage. I admire that!