Sunday, May 16, 2010


Continuation on my story of having Bipolar

     First I would like to thank and give out many hugs to you all that take the time to read my blog and leave helpful comments. "Should I write a blog about my disorders" I asked a friend. "no, people will make fun of you and some may be cruel" she said. I am speechless at the response I have been getting. Everyone has been kind, supportive, complimentary, which helps my mood and self-esteem.

   I see my psychiatrist once a month and therapist every two weeks. I had some bad news my last appointment with my psychiatrist. "you are not in remission with your disorder bipolar" he said. I started to cry. He increased my medication and now the waiting game starts. I still am having the crying spells and anxiety is high certain times of the day. I went through the motions after I heard the news, sadness, anger and then acceptance.

I felt empty inside and exhausted after he gave the news. I have been working so hard in becoming proactive, and healthy. I have one more year on disability and I want to work next year. I am not sure if that will happen. Sometimes I really hate this disorder and how some days it consumes me. On the flip side I need to look at all the positives in my life even if they are as little as drawing a picture to get me through the day.

hugs and strength


  1. Hi Emeila. Glad you worked out how to post the award. I find alot of blog buddies on here very supportive, and non-judgemental too. I understand how you feel Emeila, in sometimes hating the disorder, somedays are harder than others. And then there's the extremes of ups and downs.

    As I mentioned before, I was off work for a long while when I first got diagnosed with bipolar. Just didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to work, so like yourself, had time off. Looking back on it now, it was healing and recovery time. And certainly an opportunity to assess my values to work out what I wanted to do for the remainder of my life.

    It felt like I was in limbo, and that it would never end, that I'd be incapacitated for the rest of my life. Somedays were a struggle, and after the manic episode I got hospitalised, for I fell into a deep depression and slept alot most days.

    When I started getting better, I spent alot of time drawing to pass the days away. Drawing is good therapy to help you to relax, and take your mind off things. It also gives you a purpose and sense of achievement when you finish. Not to mention utilising your creativity, and allowing self expression, an outlet to release your feelings and emotions.

    Its great to see you have insight into your needs to help yourself get through the day.

  2. Emeila, I think it is awesome that you have started this blog! I just started folloing it. One of my blogs is just poems and essays, but I do address this subject in one of my essays because my Mother was bipolar. It is :
    thewordwhisperer2 if you like it please follow me as well. I look forward to reading what you write in the future! Have a great week. :-)

  3. Keep the faith, good things are due to come to you

  4. Time, time, time. As in patient as it is to wait for it, it is a healer. I know you are feeling a rush to do many things, but maybe God is leading you somewhere so you will be ready for the things you want. Take it easy on yourself, Emeila, this isn't an easy battle. I feel for you and I understand. I question many times why I am in the place I at, but a saying a heard a long time ago still rings true. "You are right where you are suppose to be." Give yourself some time to really understand yourself and everything will fall in place. You didn't get this way overnight and you aren't going to be healed overnight. Time can be your best friend. My prayers are with you. Midnight