Remission

Continuation on my story of having Bipolar

     First I would like to thank and give out many hugs to you all that take the time to read my blog and leave helpful comments. "Should I write a blog about my disorders" I asked a friend. "no, people will make fun of you and some may be cruel" she said. I am speechless at the response I have been getting. Everyone has been kind, supportive, complimentary, which helps my mood and self-esteem.

   I see my psychiatrist once a month and therapist every two weeks. I had some bad news my last appointment with my psychiatrist. "you are not in remission with your disorder bipolar" he said. I started to cry. He increased my medication and now the waiting game starts. I still am having the crying spells and anxiety is high certain times of the day. I went through the motions after I heard the news, sadness, anger and then acceptance.

I felt empty inside and exhausted after he gave the news. I have been working so hard in becoming proactive, and healthy. I have one more year on disability and I want to work next year. I am not sure if that will happen. Sometimes I really hate this disorder and how some days it consumes me. On the flip side I need to look at all the positives in my life even if they are as little as drawing a picture to get me through the day.

hugs and strength

Support system

     Continuation with my story having bipolar and fibromyalgia

When first diagnosed with bipolar I was searching for support other than my family. My family was in denial and I could not lean on them in the beginning. I found excellent online organizations. www.dbsalliance.org (depression and bipolar support alliance.) www.nami.org and www.dailystrength.org . Each online organization will help you find support groups in your area. They also have chat rooms where you talk with others diagnosed with the illness along with professionals that you may discuss issues with.

What I learned was to lean on people that have accepted the illness and not discuss the disorders with others that have not. Currently I can lean on my husband and of course my therapist. I will be honest though, it was difficult for me to find the right therapist. Don't give up on searching for one. The web-sites I listed above list questions you can ask a therapist when you first meet.

Hugs and strength to you all

Fibromyalgia/bipolar 3

It was very difficult explaining fibromyalgia since you can not see it, just like bipolar. I joined an online support group and found many people having both disorders. I always wondered if there was a link to each one. As most of you know I was diagnosed (w/fibromyalgia) when I was nineteen and bipolar when I was thirty three years old.

 Having fibromyalgia and dating was complicated. If anyone is reading this and is wondering when to tell about the disorders, I would wait a few months. If they end the relationship, well, as my friend always says, that is one way to wean out the bad ones.

I am on an antidepressant to help with my cognitive skills but the pain each day was still there. I finally found a medication that relieved some of that pain called Lyrica. I am very sensitive to medication and had to go slow on the medicine.  I am now on 200mg and only have pain in my shoulders and it is bearable.

Some books for both disorders that helped me and hope they help you:

ISBN #: 1-57224-12-7 The Fibromyalgia Advocate by Devin J. Starlanyl, M.D.

ISBN #: 0-553-56072-7  A Brilliant Madness living with Manic Depressive illness
Patty Duke and Gloria Hochman

The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, What on earth am I here for? A must read. This book helped me through the acceptance of my disorders.

To be honest it was difficult for some friends and family members to accept both disorders. I am blessed to have my sister,and husband wanting to understand the disorders. My Mom and Dad are still in a bit of denial but trying. Thank you for taking the time in reading my blog and God Bless

Fibromyalgia 2

   My precious Grandmother

I posted a definition of Fibromyalgia in my previous blog.

Having fibromyalgia you become forgetful which could be from the insomnia and achy which leads to breaking prior commitments with friends. "Don't forget to buy me milk" my grandmother would say. I would forget to buy it after work. My Nan (grandmother) would become frustrated with me "why are you so forgetful" she would say.

I would give her an explanation of the disorder. Like I said in my last blog I was fighting insomnia, body achs, exhaustion, exteme fatigue and headachs. My Grandmother saw a book called "Fibromyalgia Handbook". She bought the book and was amazed at what she read. She called my Mom and explained how she finally understands what I have been fighting each day.

Our relationship changed. She became patient and helpful. It brought tears to my eyes when I found out what she did. It is very important if you know someone with a disorder to research the information, it will make your relationship grow.

Fibromyalgia

My other diagnosis

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia when I was nineteen years old. I felt an achy pain throughout my body. My Mom took me to several doctors. Some thought the pain was in my head. "if my daughter says she has pain, she has pain" my Mom said. We finally found a specialized (Rheumatologist) doctor and he gave us the diagnosis of "Fibromyalgia" "Fibro what" I said

Fibromyalgia is a chronic condition characterized by widespread pain in your muscles, ligaments and tendons, as well as fatigue and multiple tender points places on your body where slight pressure causes pain. (Mayo Clinic)

Some symptoms I had were:
1. flu-like pain
2. exhaustion
3. muscle stiffness and pain
4. insomnia
5. fatigue
6. mental malaise and confusion,
often refers to as fibro fog
7. headaches, however I experienced
migranes

The doctor recommend an anti-depressant. He explained people with this diagnosis didn't receive enough serotonin throughout there body. I felt I was too young to try the medicine and to go the healthy route. I ate healthy (foods that had serotonin) foods, and exercised (running).

The running helped somewhat with the sleep, however  my sleep cycles were inconsitant. I finally gave into the medication in my late twenties. It did not help with the pain but with my cognitive skills. My sister noticed a difference in how attentive I was.

I will continue my story tomorrow on how I and others coped with my diagnosis with Fibromyalgia




                                          

Honesty

First I would like to thank the caring people that have been following my blog and leaving encouraging and sharing comments about their disorders. You all are in my prayers and thoughts.

     I would like to be honest about some challenges I face with this disorder(bipolar). I have had sucidal thoughts, which happened last year. I believe it is the help of the medication and prayer that has eliminated the thoughts. I am impulsive and perseverate on several different subjects, which sometimes pushes people away. I fight each day not become impulsive. I obsess over my weight, friends, art work, etc. It is difficult for me to turn it off. My husband will remind me of it, but I am sure it wears on him.  I will choose a subject and talk about it through out the day. My therapist is teaching me techniques in how to limit the obsessing.. I believe in therapy and support it.

I drink too much coffee to gain energy through out the day. Somedays I try to limit it. I am tired of seeing doctors every week. I am tired of not working. My husband's family does not think I should work again. On the flip side my family supports my decision to work.  Each day is different for me but I will never give up.

hugs and strength to you all

In the begining

I was shocked with the intial reaction of the diagnosis of bipolar. My husband and I did our own research on the disorder and it is comparible to ADHD, however that disorder does not have auditory hallutionations. The psychiatrist explain I was in acute psychosis. I felt like I was in a dream. Each time I awoke from sleep I was hoping it was gone. Each day I would get down on  my hands and knees and pray for God to relieve me from the halluncinations (voices, tactile and olfactory)  I then went through the stages. I was in denial. "this can't be me, we don't have mental illness in our family"

I was frustrated "why me and why now in my early thirties" Deep down I knew there was somthing odd about me. I spoke with my doctor back in my early twenties and she suggested a clinic. I was there all day taking tests and here are the diagnosis when I was twenty eight: ADHD NOS, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Cognitive Disorder NOS. NOS means all the characteristics of that disorder are not there.

As we all know now I have bipolar added to the list. I read a story about a man that heard voices as well. He felt if he kept moving from state to state they would eventually disappear. I felt the the same in the beginning of the diagnosis. When the voices became loud and unbearable, I felt that urge to leave the house. My husband and I stayed at hotels, thinking it was the house. During that time in beginnning I believed it was spititual warfair and spirits were in the house.

It was really hard on me receiving the diagnosis at first. My family did not believe it. I went to one psychiatrst after another hoping they would change the diagnosis. I have accepted having bipolar and with God's strength I know I am not alone.

hugs and strength to you all

How did you all feel when you first received a diagnosis of depression, Bipolar, Generalized Anxiety disorder or any other disorders etc? Only if you care to share?