Struggle

Continuation of my story and the struggles I faced when diagnosed with bipolar

As I said before, I was diagnosed in 2007. That year I spent most of my time in bed. I didn't take care about my hygene. My husband had to help me with basic living skills. The voices/hallucinations became my friends. I moved away from my home town to be with my husband and it was difficult meeting new friends. My father has a fear of flying, however he did call everyday. I would sit at my art table and stare at the paper for hours.

My short term memory was poor and I bagan to put on weight slowly. My husband would take me shopping and people would stare and laugh at me. I have no memory of this. I was on a strong medication which made me sluggish and I would stare off in the distance.

I felt like a puppet. I would do what the voices were telling me to do. "eat more toast","you didn't eat today, eat more" the voices/hallucinations would say. At times I would come back to reality and ignore the hallucinations. I was fighting for my sanity, but not by myself. I had Jesus in my heart and a loving husband. I would have my husband read the bible, and bipolar books to me. I couldn't read myself as the auditory hallucinations would repeat the words.

As I was laying in bed I looked up at the ceiling and saw moving shapes. I began to have visual hallucinations. "there is an angel in your neighbors window" the voices would say. I went outside and saw a shape of an angel. Paranoia struck and I thought my neighbors had put a spell on me. I pretented to take the trash outside and knocked on my neighbors door, however he was not home. The next day I admitted myself into the hospital.

Anyone reading this that struggles with a mental illnes or other disorders you are not alone. What helped me was seeing a therapist, leaning on family that has accepted the illness, leaning on the Lord, support groups, journaling, exercise, and healthy eating,

©2010M.M.