Monday, March 1, 2010

Being Bipolar

I know what you must be thinking, "Oh my, she has bipolar!" "She must spend money like it grows on trees and shops like the all the stores will be going out of buisness tomorrow." Perhaps, you might have said, "those people buy new cars even though they don't drive or go and marry someone they met at last night's party." Or how 'bout this one, "they buy things even though they are on a budget"

This is what most people think. Bipolar differs from person to person. When I was given the diagnosis of Bipolar my family disagreed with the psychiatrist and thought of the general characteristic of the illness. They could not comprehend that bipolar comes in many degress of severity.

I didn't meet the standard criteria.. I had a bachleors degree, ran my own buisness, was excellent at saving money and married. I was able to maintain friendships and is very sociable.

What I described was a manic episode, people with this form of illness do outrageous, and outlandish things. This form of manic depression is the one we tend to hear most about, though it is not the most commmon. Amongst the more common symptoms of bipolar are the lesser issues such as depressive episode and hpypomanic (less then manic).

Bipolar disorder cause much more than mania and depression.  It can also cause feelings of irritability, anger, jealousy, resentment, anxiety, avoidance, embarrassment, fear, inadequescy, regret and confusion. In addition to mood swings, you may experience drastic fluctuations in energy, activity, weight, metabolism, and the sleep/wake cycle. Bipolar disorder increases your sensitivity to stress that you become more vulnerable to life changes.(Wes Burgess, M.D.PH.D.)

After my grandmother passed away in 2001 I crashed. I always worked two jobs, organized fundraisors, exercised consistantly, ran errands for her, and took care of her when she was diagnosed with cancer.I just could not do it anymore. I quit my profession that I worked for over 7 years and worked part time. I slowly faded from exercising, I slept less and drank alchohol every other night or so. According to the doctors I was in a depressive state.

I never knew about bipolar, only knowing the general characteristics of the disorder. I wondered how this could be me. The psychiatrist felt the first episode actally occured a few years earliar during the death of my grandmother. I did not return phone calls from friends or family, stopped playing sports, and instead drank extensively.

Please comment or leave any comments you may have. Thank you



  1. I posted a comment once, but I don't know if it took. So again, I will say hello and thank you for your blog. I myself just started my own bipolar blog and feel it is so great to meet someone else who knows what it is like. Your honesty and info is wonderfully refreshing. I really appreciate that. If you would like you can check out my blog, I look forward to checking back with you and hope to see you around.

    midnight rainbow

  2. hey amiela.i've followed your blog. i really appreciate if you could follow mine too. its

  3. Absolutely, I will follow your bog. I just wasn't able to retrive your blog wothout you leaving me a comment. Thank you for following my blog and taking the time in reading it as I will do the same.

  4. Your honesty is refreshing. Thank you for breaking the stigma on mental illness :)

  5. I love finding new blogs especially ones that are so well written, Congrats!
    Looking forward to more posts from your refreshing point of view. It always feels good when people read inside your head, you feel a little vulnerable putting your inner thoughts on a blog but with encouraging comments from those, even strangers, who appreciate your wisdom makes it all worth while!

  6. Emeila, your blog is a wonderful open and detailed account of your life with Bipolar. I have looked for your blog before but have only just discovered it. Bipolar is different to my condition, but I feel some of our thoughts are very similar except, you're honest and open and I hide. Well done. I admire you and encourage you to keep the blog going. Please have a look at mine as I update it daily with pictures. The early posts were difficult and then eased but now, fear has returned. Love & Light. Mart.