Monday, March 8, 2010

Therapy 2

Contuation of Therapy

A three year old relationship in my early twenties (90's) ended. I was not diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at this time. I found a therapist through my insurance. I saw the social worker for over a year. I wanted to work on the questions we ask ourselves "Why did it end? "Did I do something wrong?" How do I not make the same mistakes continuously?" I began to feel dependant on her. I never made any decisions in relationships without asking the therapist. One relationship after another. Why can't I get this right?

I stopped seeing her and wanted to try on my own and felt it was time to use the knowledge I learned from her. Well, another relationship ended. A friend of mind suggessted a psychologist. I went through psycho therapy (I believe it was called). He talked about my childhood to the present. I discontinued the therapy with him and felt ready to move on.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with Bipolar and off to another therapist to help cope with the diagnosis and changes that will happen in my life with the medications.  I did not feel she was intrusive.  I actually felt nervous due to her unstructured therapy. I didn't feel I was learning about bipolar at all. Another doctor that I knew, suggested a psychologist. He was structured and I felt at eased with him.

To be honest I am exhausted with all the psychiatrist, therapist, and other doctors I have to see. I am so tired of taking medications and dealing with all the side effects. "Do you feel you are a victim of medications?" my brother-in-law asked me. "I really never thought of it that way." I responded.

If you take many medications, do you feel you are a victim? If you have a mental illnes do have difficulties with relationships? I always wondered it was due to being diagnosed so late in life that I had problems with relationships.

Thank you for taking the time in reading my blog.


  1. ....and what of you Emeila? What do you choose for yourself? You appear to question everything you do when really you should be proud and loving life. I believe you work so hard for others, you take their directions and listen to their 'patter' but, when do you listen to your heart to hear it talking to you? You have a wonderful soul with unfaultering love and it shines brightly in your writing and because you can do this you are a magnificent person. Love & Light. Mart.

  2. Yes, Emeila, I agree with Mart. No matter who you talk to and what they say, you still must trust you. You sound like you are very frustrated, maybe feeling like your back is up agaisnt the wall. Give yourself some time and patience. Find out who you are, illness and all. Listen to you. Discover who you really are and then follow your heart. It will never lead you astray. Peace.

  3. Keep your spirits up, your entries are inspiring.

  4. I know how frustrating it is to be a "victim of medications". Only you know what feels right. Keep your spirits up and know that we love you.