Voices

Continuation of the summer of 2007:



I would like to focus writing about my voices/auditory hallucinations that I heard during that summer. I heard them throughout the day and night. Medication after medication could not eliminate these auditory hallucinations. "you are being poisoned by your husband", "Your neighbors can read your mind". "Your neighbors put a spell on you" The voices would say these phrases repetitively.

Sometimes they were unbearable that I had my husband read me a book, due to the voices repeating my thoughts. It was soothing to me when my husband read the bible. I had him read my favorite stories.

I also had to sleep with head phones just to lower the voices/hallucinations so I could sleep. I would listen to classical music where they could not repeat the words.

There was a point where I became very angry and was not willing to give up the fight of sanity. Here is what I wrote in my journal and found writing in a journal calming when anxious.

"Refuse" summer of 2007:

"I refuse to call myself insane or crazy. I am not insane or crazy. I am me first. This is me first before Bipolar. I am creative, funny, affectionate, cute, innocent, gullible at times, socialable, sensitive, intelligent, tenatious at times, compassionate, strong and weak at times.

So what, right now I can't work. I will find something else to do that is fufilling. So what, I can't drive. I will buy a bike. So what, I can't use all the gifts God has given me right now. I know he has a plan for me. I will pray for people. Prayer is very powerful. I will pray for some of my friends and family. When I taught children with Autism I told the parents to look at their child as a child first before the Austism. I will look at me before Bipolar"


Now, Feb 2010 I do not hear the voices/ hallucinations anymore. I still have more to tell about my story with Bipolar and how God gave me strength to get to where I am today.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask away or a comment. The cliche, there are not any dumb questions or comments I am happy to answer. I was diagnosed with Bipoar 3 years ago.

Thank you for taking the time in reading my blog.

© 2010-M.M.